Happy #64: Ask yourself, "And how's that working for you?"

This should be so obvious. But it's not. Or at least it's not for me.

For whatever reason we tend to continue doing (or thinking) things that create difficulty in our lives. Old patterns, old ways of seeing, old habits, old thinking, old actions, old hanging on, OLD!!

Don't you prefer NEW? See? Even the word is more appealing.

I was having a conversation with my friend LaDawn and shared something with her that had been frustrating for me. She responded, "And how's that working for you Kathleen?" We both laughed. Through a different lens, I realized I was allowing an interaction/situation to continue in my life that clearly wasn't working for me. And suddenly it seemed ridiculous.

The choice was mine. So naturally, the frustration was my doing as well--since I was the one choosing to do things the same way. Why we continue in a path then bang our heads against the wall expecting an outcome other than the one we had before, I don't know. But we do. Insanity. ;)

We forget how powerful choice is. And we forget that there is always something coming along behind the choice. A consequence. A result.

Your life is the result of your choices, I often say. This can be a stretch to accept when things aren't going well. But the quickest way to turn things around is to make different choices.

Frustration is a little easier to change. Pain is a bit more difficult. But different choices can have different outcomes there too.

Both my daughters are away from home right now. Juliet is going to college in WA. Kelsie is serving a mission in Florida. I miss them both. Very much. But I can call Juliet. And text. And see her when I go to WA on business. As much as I miss Juliet, I am able to connect with her. So I am not feeling as much loss there.

Kelsie, however, is away and inaccessible for the next 17 months. She is permitted to write home once a week and she can call twice a year. A YEAR. On Christmas and Mother's Day.

I cannot begin to describe how painful this has been. And I have to be honest here, there has been more than one morning of tears with me struggling to get out of bed... I have had to force myself to do things. Literally, truly force myself.

I know enough about depression to understand my body is trying to manage the stress of loss. The cloud that feels so sad and hopeless is just the body's coping mechanism. I get this part. My brain suppresses everything to mitigate what I'm feeling. But for the life of me, I do NOT understand how that makes it more manageable. Because it feels like crap. And makes things worse, as far as I'm concerned.

However, this much I do know (coping mechanism aside), the choice to stay in bed and cry wasn't going to change anything. The work, my responsibilities to my children and my clients, would still be there. And so would everything else--dishes and laundry piling up as they do...

So I asked myself what I could do differently to ease what I was feeling. The pain didn't go away. But something good began to come of it. Making a shift and putting the energy towards a positive outcome (rather than the more stressful one of falling behind on everything) was a better choice to make.

I think it's a good question to ask ourselves, "And how's that working for you?" Whatever is going on, whatever the result is, how's it working? Is it working well?

Because our lives are the result of our choices. And sometimes making a change IS as simple as making a different choice.

The picture above is of the daisies outside my back door. I planted them three years ago and this is the first year they've really come in and bloomed with such beauty. They stand over 4' high. I've never seen daisies so tall. They are remarkable out there in the sunshine up against the red brick wall of my house.

I wouldn't have been able to enjoy the beauty of the moment had I stayed in my bed in tears.

I still miss Kelsie. Desperately. But I'm making good things happen anyway. I think she'd be proud of me.

It's Ok to take yourself out of something that's not working for you and put yourself into something that does.

And there's a big beautiful world out there.

Your choice. :D

Happy #63: Stop hanging on so long.

A friend of mine says good things come out of conflict. Conflict is hard on me--emotionally and physically. So this statement was difficult for me to understand.

But as I've thought about his statement over time, I've come to see how true it is.

He's a historian, so naturally there is far more information in his brain (about the results of conflict, or probably about anything for that matter, lol...) than exists in my brain. Which is why I couldn't see (especially with how difficult conflict is for me) how the statement regarding conflict could possibly be true. Because the eye cannot see what the mind does not know. Right?

But experiences I'm having recently are helping me see.

The Mussuei de Louvre in Paris has an extensive history, including several accounts of conflict. A story that interested me when I visited the Louvre was this one: the French didn't want the glass pyramid. They hated it.

And yet, surrender (clearly not their initial position of choice) brought something forward that is really very remarkable.

I was intriqued by the imaginative use of space below grade (for the museum) and the brilliant way I.M.Pei (the commissioned architect) brought light, transparency, and visual connection to that space with his design.

But the French resisted the concept. Entirely. They felt, as I understand it, a pyramid (and modern structure) didn't belong in the space or fit their history and how they see themselves. Also, from what I understand, there was a fair amount of distress involved. Why? Because hanging on in resistance creates stress. They were communicating what they wanted and needed, without effect. No wonder they were frustrated.

The glass pyramid was going to happen anyway, whether they liked it or not. I'm not saying this was right or wrong, good or bad. It's just what happened.

I'm not sure how to make my point here, except to say that sometimes it's good--after speaking up and speaking up and speaking up--to just let go and let something be what it's going to be.

Sometimes we hang on to something (or someone), trying to get what we need, for far too long. When in fact, letting go releases resistance, which can bring the right things about. Whatever that may mean or be.

This is not to say you should stop trying to get what you need. You always need to speak up for what you need. And want. Always.

I'm just saying stop hanging on so long to situations (and/or people) when you can't get what you need. Learn to let go. Maybe even walk away. Because sometimes getting what you need means getting it somewhere other than where you were looking.

This is me, hanging on, trying to get a picture with this sculpture without falling into The River Seine directly below.


Ridiculous.

Let go people.

It just might give you enough relief for happiness to find you again. And you might be surprised where the new direction letting go takes you. :)