Happy #80: Make deliberate choices to create change.

This evening I joined my good friend Nate for the launch of his new project, I am happy. I am loved at Jam, a local gay bar in Salt Lake City, Utah.

Wearing my hair up, my white winter parka with the fur lined hood, black leather gloves, jeans (which could have worked if they weren't being worn with the wrong footwear), and my flat, grey, muff like suede and sherpa boots, I was entirely ill-dressed for the occasion. Except for my rosy cheeks, of course. It was cold outside.

I thought about what I was wearing as I drove to Nate's premier, about how ridiculous and unstylish I looked. Of all the places to be less than styling, a gay bar was not one of them. Women do, afterall, dress to impress other women and gay men. ;) But given I had just finished taking my son Keaton to see the new Narnia movie (and there wasn't time to change), I just went. I figured it was more important to Nate that I be there, than I be well dressed.

Nate's project is a nationwide campaign to create awareness for the gay community and the communities they live in about the importance of supportive relationships with heros, friends, family, and God.

It is a message we can all use, regardless of our sexual orientation.

I've had conversations with several people over the last couple of weeks about aloneness. It just kept coming up. So I've been thinking about why we make choices in our lives that create aloneness, why we create situations and/or relationships that result in our being alone and/or doing everything alone, and why we choose to be alone over being with others. Especially when nobody really wants to be alone. At least not all of the time.

For those of us who are introverts, being with people (crowds, parties, social events) wears us out. So balance is key. But that's not the choice to be alone I'm talking about here.

During reflective dialogue a friend said to me, "I know exactly why I chose to be alone. I didn't trust people would be there for me." She realized looking back on her life that when she was young she would go to her room, shut the door, and read to escape the chaos her family created. Naturally, not being able to trust her family to give her what she needed, she didn't trust anyone else would either. That belief and expectation became her world view. From there, and with this perspective, she continued to create experiences that would reinforce her beliefs. So the pattern continued to repeat.

But the beautiful thing about patterns is that with awareness and deliberate choices, they can be changed.

Bless Nate's heart for working to bring attention to relationships of support. He made a deliberate choice to use his time and talents to create awareness. I made a deliberate choice to support him, regardless of how uncomfortable I was going alone, looking like a train wreck. And trust me, I was uncomfortable. But showing Nate I love and support him mattered more to me than how I looked. And felt.

There seems to be a lot of aloneness going around out there. The natural result of the breakdown of the family and our disconnected society, no doubt.

But with one deliberate choice at a time, I think we can make our lives more of what we really want them to be. Instead of what we've created over time from a belief system (that we can't trust people, for example) that doesn't work for us.

Your life is the result of your choices. And deliberate choices make a difference.

So Happy #80 is this: Make deliberate choices to create change.

Put on your parka and your boots (the ones meant only to keep you warm, not make you look good), and get out there and show your love.

It's what matters most.

Nate, you are loved. And I am happy we are friends. Roll 'em! :)

Happy #79: Know what you want. And climb on.

This is another one of those posts where I know what I want to say, essentially. But I'm not certain the story I'm about to tell will say it, effectively. Or exactly.

So stay with me and we'll see how it turns out. :-)

Several years ago my kids and I were rock climbing with family friends. One particular climb I was interested in was the most difficult route I'd ever attempted. But I wanted the challenge. So I roped in.

I had carefully selected my course. There was almost nothing to hold onto for the ascent. And whatever holds there were, were few and far between. Details, I thought.

Climb on.

My friend was belaying me. Neither one of us suspected how difficult that climb would actually turn out to be. Least of all me.

When I was 3/4 of the way to the top, I literally could not go on. I had exhausted my personal strength and energy reserves. I simply did NOT have it in me to continue. I was shaking from the stress of the climb and the fatigue of trying to hang onto the wall with almost nothing to get a hold of. Several times I felt like I was going to fall.

My friend stood below, keeping me tethered, watching everything, giving me just enough rope with just enough slack. So he was also watching when my legs started to shake. He called out to me, "Kathleen, just sit back in the harness and rest. I've got you."

"...sit back in the harness and rest. I've got you."

So I did. I let go of the wall, sat back in the harness, and rested until I had the strength to continue. Then I finished the climb. After I stopped shaking. :-)

Interestingly, the "rest" taught me more about how to finish when something is hard than I ever would have learned had I pushed straight through.

1. I learned that on the way to what we want, things happen that we don't expect.
2. I learned that when those things happen, it's important to have the right person belaying the climb of our journey, someone who is paying attention. To us.
3. I learned the importance of listening.
4. I learned the importance of the pause.
5. I learned the importance of the right WE. And,
6. I learned the importance of hanging out with smart people. :-)

I've reflected on this event several times over the years. It stands out as a hallmark moment for me with regard to pursuing something we want and having the right person there in support.

"I've got you," he said. Those words in those moments of exhaustion were important for me. His suggestion that I rest (rather than shouting out, "YOU CAN DO IT!!", which he also could have done) was wise. And what I needed, which he knew because he was paying attention...

We were a team.

Being happy regardless doesn't mean you're happy no matter what. It just means that regardless of what happens in life, you find a way to look at it or work through it or think about it from a perspective that serves to lift, encourage, and strengthen you. In a way that gives you hope. And in a way that can help you succeed.

Know what you want. Because knowing what you want will help create the right WE, the team you need to succeed. You know, it's that whole "when the student is ready, the teacher appears" thing. They create each other. We show up for each other based on where we are and what we need. Yet another reason to know what you want...

And don't forget to sit back in the harness occasionally. Because that's part of getting to what you want too.

Climb on.

Happy #78: Pass the good along.

A discovery of something really wonderful and uplifting can give much needed light at just the right moment. Winter storms, being snowed in (and sick) at the cottage by myself on Thanksgiving, and what turned out to be one of the most unusual holiday weekends EVER, also produced some very good things.

Example?
SAM JOHNSON
San Francisco, CA, and his really, really good music.


I'm sharing him here because of everything this Thanksgiving weekend was (and wasn't) for me, it was all new. And he was the newest, freshest thing about it all. He's happiness behind a guitar. And I was happy listening to him the split second I heard his music. Immediately happy. That says something. At least to me. How often are you immediately happy by something you simply hear? The moment you hear it and before you even see it? It's all original and it's all him. His All the Lovin' is one of my favorites. It's remarkable.

So I'd like to help this young artist find the greater audience he deserves.

Naturally, I'm passing the good along. And I hope you will too. :)

Happy #77: Know what you need.

"Intense love does not measure. It just gives." Mother Teresa

I wish I had kept my camera out of my suitcase to capture the event I'm about to describe. This photo I found online comes close as I could find, but doesn't do the experience justice.

My son Keaton and I were at the airport in Salt Lake City waiting for our flight to Seattle. The plane we were boarding had been delayed. When it finally arrived, we sat quietly watching as the passengers came down the loading ramp and through the doors to the terminal.

You don't see people waiting at the gates much anymore. Since 9/11 and increased security, most greetings happen at baggage claim. So I was caught off guard by what happened.

A little girl ran from her mother's arms to greet her father as he came off the plane. His face lit up as he reached down and pulled her into his chest. She threw her little arms around his neck and began to cry. She just could not hold it back. Her tiny approximately five year old body was physically unable to contain her emotion and she flat out sobbed. Sobbed. Her Dad knelt there at the gate, holding her in his arms, while she cried with her love for him.

I have no idea how long it had been since she had seen her Daddy. But I will never forget the look in her eyes when she lifted her head from his shoulders and looked at him through her tears.

I saw the love in that child's eyes for her father. I saw how deeply she was feeling her love for him.

I hope he saw what I did. I hope he saw how much she needs him and how very, very much she loves him.

I'm not sure what this has to do with knowing what you need, except to say that Thanksgiving is a good time to find awareness of and gratitude for the love around us--both the love we feel for others and the love others feel for us.

In those moments at the airport, that little girl knew precisely how grateful she was for her father. And she didn't hold back. She didn't measure her love, or carefully meter it out.

Sigmund Freud said, "We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love." Shocking, I know.

But perhaps in knowing how much we need someone, even if that love brings us to tears, we can find true gratitude for the love they offer in our lives--in whatever way they are able to offer it.

Find the five year old in you, and don't hold back. You might not get hurt very much, carefully measuring your love out, but you won't live very much that way either.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Grateful for your love,
Kathleen

Happy #76: Say something good.

I felt disappointment tonight. I've been thinking it through--why I felt it, what caused it, how I could have avoided it, how I move on from feeling it, you know the drill.

I was talking with a friend and after a long pause in our back and forth I said, "Well, I guess the best thing (another pause) is just to think about something else!" We both laughed.

But it got me thinking. These thoughts, unemotional as they may read, came through very deep feelings. A person can seem Ok and not be...

I thought about people, the world, the human condition, and the human response to a world so full of noise.

Politics are in upheaval, people are going hungry and without housing (suffering true human need), the press is covering the stories they feel are important, television is covering whatever drives the ratings up, marketing is driven by what will sell (pushing production and consumption), magazines publish what will get people's attention (providing information and promoting entertainment), etc., etc., etc., blah, blah, blah...

The common thread? People.

We let ourselves get SO busy. And I get that. Distractions can be a good buffer from whatever. Meetings, meetings, and more meetings--all supposedly geared to meet the needs of people. Busyness. And yet, if you think about it, every one of those people in those meetings (or involved in that work) all have one basic need other than food, water, and shelter. They all want love. We all want love.

I'm not saying all the other matters of are no importance. I'm just saying that what matters most are the connections we make with people and the effort we extend in helping them feel worthwhile--at showing them love.

Do we engage enough with anyone to be certain they feel seen? That they feel like they matter for something to someone? Do we say or do anything to signal we care?

For reasons I won't go into I felt less than and not good enough tonight. I'm fairly certain you've felt it a time or two yourself.

But why do we? Would you want the little girl who showed up with her parents at an evening meeting to feel like she wasn't good enough because she was wearing her pink bubble slippers instead of fancy shoes?

Would you want me to feel not good enough?

I didn't think so. We'd want the little girl to know she's enough for all the same reasons I want you to know you are enough. Because you are.

You are enough. And so am I, come to that.

We speak and write about politics (well, I don't), we speak and write about information, we work and work and work trying to make a life that will matter for something. And in the end, the only thing that really matters is what we learned and how well we loved.

We make mistakes. It's how we learn.

"Mistakes are the portals to learning," wrote James Joyce. This earthly experience is about relationships and learning. I think you can do the math. You're good like that. :)

Trust the process.

Find that little someone wearing bubble slippers (she or he is in a grown up body and probably not actually wearing the slippers) and show your love. Say something good.

This is a bowl of chesnuts.


And this is what they looked like when I took them out of their shells.


I was on a walk a week or two ago with my friend Roma when we walked by a bunch that had fallen to the ground and broken out of their casings. Roma was shocked. Shocked. She said, "How could I get to this place in life and NOT have seen these before??" Good question. ;)

Roma, you weren't missing out on the chesnuts. But they were definitely missing out on you. :)

See how easy that was? Roma is smiling. And feeling loved. :D

Say something good.

Happy #75: Move on.

If it weakens you and makes you cry, move on.
If it cripples you and halts your stride, move on.
If it makes you sick and turns you inside out, that's the surest sign it's not good for you.

Stop trying so hard to make something work when it doesn't, and simply move on.

Life's too damn short.

You get my point.

Happy #74: Keep things in perspective.

My clients and I were strolling today through the seaside village I am working in. The sky was blue, the bay was sparkling, and the brightly colored fall leaves of the trees gathered on the sidewalks and streets under the sunshine. It was a beautiful, crisp fall day in the Pacific Northwest.

Standing in it's strength as the new heart of the community, the building I designed a year ago (the Blaine Bank Building, which was recently completed) was the focus of our conversation. A breeze picked up and an unusual image just to the side of my face caught my eye.

I thought for a minute that maybe it was, well, I didn't know what it was. But a minute or two into the observation I realized it was a gray hair. A long one.

This was odd for me. I don't color my hair and as stressful as my life can sometimes be, I haven't started to gray. Or I thought I hadn't. But this strand of hair was gray. And it was really LONG. Which means it's been growing for awhile. Or maybe the whole cotton picking strand just lost it's color all at once. I don't know.

Anyway, I was so stunned that I pulled the hair out and began to express my sentiments of shock to my clients. There was a moment of silence and with laughter in his voice Brad said, "Jean (his wife, who has just undergone treatment for breast cancer) used to complain about gray hair. Until she didn't have any hair. Now she's just glad to have any at all, no matter what color it is."

Thank you Brad.

Keep things in perspective.

Happy #73: Have a happy Halloween. :-)

For tips on carving a pumpkin masterpiece, take a peek here.

And if you're out of time to carve pumpkins (or you're like me and your local grocer is sold out--yah, who sells out of pumpkins, right?), just find some orange something and splash it around. Anything. Uncarved pumpkins, potted fall flowers, candy corn, anything. (I'll post pictures of what I come up with. I'm going to have to get creative. Pumpkins sold out, and all...)

Then dress up. Eat pigs in a blanket and overdose on chocolate. And by all means, don't let the holiday slip by without listening to everybody's favorite musical Halloween treat: Michael Jackson's THRILLER. Better yet, rent the DVD and learn the dance.

Happy Halloween. :-)

Happy #72: Happy is as happy does.

Here I am in Edinburgh, Scotland--a priceless little jewel I found while visiting Scotland a month ago.

Edinburgh is incredibly beautiful and full of the placemaking charm I aspire to create with my work. It's remarkable. I loved it there. LOVED it. It's one of the places on earth everyone should visit. (That may be the little Scottish girl in me talking, the one wearing my family tartan kilt, but I'm just saying...) Needless to say, I'm going back soon. Did I mention I loved it? :-)

Every experience leaves it's print. And I can't say enough about the importance of making memories and filling your life with the adventure it requires to make them. But I'll say this with brevity: it's always worth the effort. Always. (Even when those plans don't turn out how you expected. Sometimes especially when those plans don't turn out how you expected.)

My train ride to Edinburgh, the discovery of this remarkable place, and the memories I made there lift my heart and mind every time I remember.

I try not to look back at life. But I find remembering happy times to be of value. Especially when it involves helping me move forward in creating something to look forward to and in making more meaningful memories.

So Happy #72 is this:

Make happy memories. Or at least remember the ones you have.

Dream a little. And make a plan. Then have a new adventure and make a memory.

Because happy is as happy does. :D

Happy #71: The Five Basic Tools for Happiness

I love these whales. They make me happy. : )

Do you remember what you were thinking right before you looked at this photograph? Ok, maybe your brain is working better than mine does most of the time. ;) My point is, you're likely thinking something different now. (Even if you could remember what you were thinking before...)

Changing your mind is key when it comes to happiness.

I've taught my children five basic tools to feel better when they don't. Because our feelings follow our thinking, I believe it's important to take accountability for our thoughts when we want to feel better.

It's a good time to review, since I've been referencing these principles/tools in my posts lately.

The five tools are these:

1. Find something to be grateful for.
2. Find something to look forward to.
3. Take care of yourself and get some sun. (Find something to eat, water to drink, get some exercise, get some sleep.)
4. Find something to do. (Work, fun, anything!)
5. Find someone to serve.

In essence, they all do the same thing. They get you thinking differently than you were a moment ago and they get you doing something.

So take accountability.

And get busy.

Just do it. : )

Happy #70: Find someone to serve.

I write on my walls. At one point I used Post-it notes. But eventually they fall down. So I just flat out write on the walls now. One of the things I have had up in writing around my house over the years is Serve Every Day and Serve Daily. You get my point.

Lately, I've been giving this particular focus and some purely magical things have been happening.

Happy #68 was about making plans. This post is about making plans to serve and the pure joy that can follow.

I planned to take my son Keaton to San Diego to visit Sea World. It's been awhile, it was his birthday, and he loves Sea World. I didn't plan on my friend Jane (who lives in San Diego) having a celebration party.

But life (happening as it does while we're making other plans), brought some wonderful experiences into our world. And because I was looking for ways to serve, very memorable things happened.

Keaton and I went to Sea World and had the best time together. It was wonderful! He made me reach into the water of the ray tank and touch them as they swam by. "You have to, Mom, for the experience," he said. "You know, participate." He's been listening. And what a joyful experience it was. : )

Jane was having her party the following night. I'm always a little awkward at parties, so I avoid them. (This probably surprises most of you.) In trying to say yes to life a little more often, I didn't avoid this one.

I had the thought that it would be nice for Jane to have a photographic book to remember the party by. (Mac has a wonderful publishing program I'm experimenting with.) So I took a few (Ok, 750) pictures.

This is Keaton playing the bongo drums for the first time in his experience on this planet. He was horribly offbeat, but Jane's guests loved him. And the party would not have been nearly as entertaining without Keaton. His choice to participate in this way was such a delightful surprise.

These are a couple of the new friends I made. (My friend Jane, our hostess, is in the background.) I wouldn't have missed meeting and getting to know them for anything.

This Mike and Kathleen, a couple who found each other later in life after other relationships ended. They have been together for six years, are madly in love, and one of most adorable couples I've ever met. They are darling and they gave me fresh hope for finding love when you think you never will.



These are the cupcakes a bakery chef brought to the party. And oh, my, word. Wow. Were they delicious. Wouldn't have missed those either. Seriously probably the best cupcakes I've ever eaten in my life. And I've eaten a lot of cupcakes. Including the 8 or 9 I ate at the party. ; )

Carla, the pastry chef. A very loving and giving woman.

Keaton and I. : )

These experiences happened because in trying to create a life that is meaningful and uplifting to those around me, I stepped outside my comfort zone and found ways to serve. In the process, I was uplifted and my life was blessed with meaning.

Funny how that works.

So Happy #70 is simply this: Find someone to serve.

It's one of my basics. And it always works.

Here's to a happy you! : )

Happy #68: Make some plans.

The Scotland countryside on a perfectly grey day. I plan to go back. Soon.

Twelve years ago my friend Peggy read the excerpt below (found in Time and the Art of Living, by Robert Grudin) in a magazine, then cut it out. She said it reminded her of me (I'm a planner), and that it made such an impact on her she wanted to keep it. Possibly forever. ;-)

Peggy reports, all these years later, she learned from watching me that planning can make you free. It's one of the five basic tools I prescribe for happiness: have something to look forward to. Needless to say, whether I actually do them or not, I plan lots of things to look forward to. Peg has kept the clipping in the front of her planner all these years.

During our conversation this evening about life and love, pain and heartache, the pursuit of happiness, the gift serving someone daily can be, and how difficult it is to stay focused on creating a meaningful life when you are hurting (for whatever reason), Peggy remembered this clipping and read it again to me.

“We alternately envy, praise and despise those people who plan ahead, who keep precise calendars of when they will be where, seeing whom and doing what. Yet in all these posturings, we tend to ignore a benefit of their behavior that is at once the simplest and the most spiritual: They can escape despair. They have cast towlines out to the future and can, when necessary, drag themselves through a becalmed or stormy present. And they have peopled the wilderness of things to come with images of themselves in action or relaxation.

People suspect that planning will shackle them, but this is almost never the case. If you make plans, you may always diverge from them, committing what is itself a pleasant act of freedom. If you do not make plans, you leave the future an empty field of change, forfeit to your own unpredictable moods. And you imply to yourself that the other two dimensions of time, past and present, mean less to you than they might or should.”

Enough said.

Make some plans. And give yourself something to look forward to.

With love from me to you. : )

Happy #67: Follow your own advice.

Wow. Has it really been over a month since I posted last? That is just wrong. ;-) Especially since I have SO many cool things to share with you.

Simply stated for the time being though, I've been following my own advice. (I highly recommend it.)

And in the process, I have had rich and wonderful and miraculous experiences having to do with living life well regardless of what life is throwing at you, and how to make changes so you feel better and life actually is better.

It's all in the gratitude, serving others, and in being willing to look at what else may be there at any given moment--as opposed to what you may be inclined to think (maybe perceive is a better word) is there...

Stay tuned. :-)

I love you.

Kathleen

Happy #66: Focus outside yourself.

Last post I shared pictures that were taken while Keaton, my friend Kiki, and I were visiting the fisherman's village in Stevenston, BC, Canada.

This post I want to show you a few of the images I was focused on when Kiki was taking my picture. For two reasons.
1. to show you what I was watching.
2. to make my point that focusing outside ourselves opens our world.

Keaton doesn't typically like me to take his picture. So I have to stand way back and use the zoom lens to capture him and what he's interested in.

Keaton as he made his way through the marina:


What he happened upon:







What I happened upon:



Precious.

Life can be a lot of things. But with all it is and all it brings, it's better when our focus is outside ourselves. My cousin Cathie shared a personal story recently that has had profound impact on me. She said (in summary) that the people we love can only be free when we are free.

So, since self absorption never made anyone happy (or free), focus outward. Besides, when you're trying to improve the lives, well-being, and self-worth of those around you, you are more open to life. And you never know what adventure you might happen upon. It just might surprise you. And delight you.

In Kiki's words (about the way things are on any given day), "It's just an opinion you have about the way things are going. Maybe things are going great and you just don't know it."

Thank you Cathie. Thank you Kiki. I love you both.

Life is beautiful. Focus outside yourself and open your world. Then drink it in.

Now turn up the music and go get the day! :D

Happy #65: Check in with people.

I'm back.

Not sure what the next post will be, or what Happy #65 is really about, except to say that the people you love need to hear from you.

So check in. (This is me checking in, btw.) I haven't thought much about being missed. (I know some people think about this. I don't.) But I have thought about how much I've missed you. I've thought about you every day. Even if I haven't mentioned it. I just wasn't sure what to say while I was going through my difficult time. So I didn't say anything. Don't be all shocked that I can actually keep quiet... ;)

However, that was then, this is now. I'm here. And I hope your day is spectacular. If it's not, please make it that way.

It's all we've got. :)

love,
kathleen

Happy #64: Ask yourself, "And how's that working for you?"

This should be so obvious. But it's not. Or at least it's not for me.

For whatever reason we tend to continue doing (or thinking) things that create difficulty in our lives. Old patterns, old ways of seeing, old habits, old thinking, old actions, old hanging on, OLD!!

Don't you prefer NEW? See? Even the word is more appealing.

I was having a conversation with my friend LaDawn and shared something with her that had been frustrating for me. She responded, "And how's that working for you Kathleen?" We both laughed. Through a different lens, I realized I was allowing an interaction/situation to continue in my life that clearly wasn't working for me. And suddenly it seemed ridiculous.

The choice was mine. So naturally, the frustration was my doing as well--since I was the one choosing to do things the same way. Why we continue in a path then bang our heads against the wall expecting an outcome other than the one we had before, I don't know. But we do. Insanity. ;)

We forget how powerful choice is. And we forget that there is always something coming along behind the choice. A consequence. A result.

Your life is the result of your choices, I often say. This can be a stretch to accept when things aren't going well. But the quickest way to turn things around is to make different choices.

Frustration is a little easier to change. Pain is a bit more difficult. But different choices can have different outcomes there too.

Both my daughters are away from home right now. Juliet is going to college in WA. Kelsie is serving a mission in Florida. I miss them both. Very much. But I can call Juliet. And text. And see her when I go to WA on business. As much as I miss Juliet, I am able to connect with her. So I am not feeling as much loss there.

Kelsie, however, is away and inaccessible for the next 17 months. She is permitted to write home once a week and she can call twice a year. A YEAR. On Christmas and Mother's Day.

I cannot begin to describe how painful this has been. And I have to be honest here, there has been more than one morning of tears with me struggling to get out of bed... I have had to force myself to do things. Literally, truly force myself.

I know enough about depression to understand my body is trying to manage the stress of loss. The cloud that feels so sad and hopeless is just the body's coping mechanism. I get this part. My brain suppresses everything to mitigate what I'm feeling. But for the life of me, I do NOT understand how that makes it more manageable. Because it feels like crap. And makes things worse, as far as I'm concerned.

However, this much I do know (coping mechanism aside), the choice to stay in bed and cry wasn't going to change anything. The work, my responsibilities to my children and my clients, would still be there. And so would everything else--dishes and laundry piling up as they do...

So I asked myself what I could do differently to ease what I was feeling. The pain didn't go away. But something good began to come of it. Making a shift and putting the energy towards a positive outcome (rather than the more stressful one of falling behind on everything) was a better choice to make.

I think it's a good question to ask ourselves, "And how's that working for you?" Whatever is going on, whatever the result is, how's it working? Is it working well?

Because our lives are the result of our choices. And sometimes making a change IS as simple as making a different choice.

The picture above is of the daisies outside my back door. I planted them three years ago and this is the first year they've really come in and bloomed with such beauty. They stand over 4' high. I've never seen daisies so tall. They are remarkable out there in the sunshine up against the red brick wall of my house.

I wouldn't have been able to enjoy the beauty of the moment had I stayed in my bed in tears.

I still miss Kelsie. Desperately. But I'm making good things happen anyway. I think she'd be proud of me.

It's Ok to take yourself out of something that's not working for you and put yourself into something that does.

And there's a big beautiful world out there.

Your choice. :D

Happy #63: Stop hanging on so long.

A friend of mine says good things come out of conflict. Conflict is hard on me--emotionally and physically. So this statement was difficult for me to understand.

But as I've thought about his statement over time, I've come to see how true it is.

He's a historian, so naturally there is far more information in his brain (about the results of conflict, or probably about anything for that matter, lol...) than exists in my brain. Which is why I couldn't see (especially with how difficult conflict is for me) how the statement regarding conflict could possibly be true. Because the eye cannot see what the mind does not know. Right?

But experiences I'm having recently are helping me see.

The Mussuei de Louvre in Paris has an extensive history, including several accounts of conflict. A story that interested me when I visited the Louvre was this one: the French didn't want the glass pyramid. They hated it.

And yet, surrender (clearly not their initial position of choice) brought something forward that is really very remarkable.

I was intriqued by the imaginative use of space below grade (for the museum) and the brilliant way I.M.Pei (the commissioned architect) brought light, transparency, and visual connection to that space with his design.

But the French resisted the concept. Entirely. They felt, as I understand it, a pyramid (and modern structure) didn't belong in the space or fit their history and how they see themselves. Also, from what I understand, there was a fair amount of distress involved. Why? Because hanging on in resistance creates stress. They were communicating what they wanted and needed, without effect. No wonder they were frustrated.

The glass pyramid was going to happen anyway, whether they liked it or not. I'm not saying this was right or wrong, good or bad. It's just what happened.

I'm not sure how to make my point here, except to say that sometimes it's good--after speaking up and speaking up and speaking up--to just let go and let something be what it's going to be.

Sometimes we hang on to something (or someone), trying to get what we need, for far too long. When in fact, letting go releases resistance, which can bring the right things about. Whatever that may mean or be.

This is not to say you should stop trying to get what you need. You always need to speak up for what you need. And want. Always.

I'm just saying stop hanging on so long to situations (and/or people) when you can't get what you need. Learn to let go. Maybe even walk away. Because sometimes getting what you need means getting it somewhere other than where you were looking.

This is me, hanging on, trying to get a picture with this sculpture without falling into The River Seine directly below.


Ridiculous.

Let go people.

It just might give you enough relief for happiness to find you again. And you might be surprised where the new direction letting go takes you. :)

Happy #62: Turn to the Source of peace.

Ok, I'm going apologize right now for how sappy this post may sound. But part of what makes this blog meaningful (at least for me) is my willingness to be honest about what I'm feeling at the time while sharing with you what helps me feel better.

This last month has been a very busy one. Getting my daughter prepared to go into the mission field was an exceptionally busy time. And busyness has a way of distracting you from emotion. Which can be good. So I didn't really have a ton of time to think about what was happening, or consider the emotion surrounding it.

Knowing the tidal wave that was headed my way, a friend offered to pay for me to take a trip. All expenses included. It was the most incredible gesture of kindness and generosity I think I've ever experienced. And while I was away (having left town the day after Kelsie reported to the MTC), I was distracted from the reality of having both my daughters gone. And distracted from the emotions that are a part of that reality...

But the train I was on (quite literally as I journeyed around England and France) had to arrive at it's destination eventually. And when the it did, at 5:30 this morning, the tidal wave I was running from caught up to me.

Waking up and feeling the weight of it, I cried and cried. I tried to think my way out of it. I tried to busy myself with everything that needs my attention here at home. Nothing helped.

That's when I got on my knees and prayed.

In the moments that followed, I was reminded that turning to the Source of peace, our Savior Jesus Christ, we can find the comfort we need when nothing else works. The words to this hymn (Where can I turn for peace) came to mind.

Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart,
Searching my soul?

Where, when my aching grows,
Where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only One.

He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind,
Love without end.

Text: Emma Lou Thayne

When I began to feel peace through the One who is my source, the next thought I had was of gratitude. Naturally, my thoughts turned to the people in my life. And I was able to see the enormous outpouring of love and support that came through Him at the hands of my family and friends in my time of need.

I wrote a huge paragraph here sharing everything everyone has done recently that served to uplift me this morning. When it turned into a publishable book, I decided to let you all know personally and in private. :)

But let me just this: You make a difference. A big one.

Thank you.

I feel your love.

Happy #61: Leave something of yourself.

I know it 's been awhile. I got busy. And I got bored with myself.

But there's something I'd like to share with you.

On a few memorable occasions, I have been deeply moved by particular pieces of art. Inclined to favor pastoral images (especially those with water) and portraits if they captured color or light in a way that caught and kept my attention, I consistently brushed by other works of art.

This was a mistake.

Viewing Van Gough's Poplars (on exhibit at the University of Utah some time ago) I had my first experience feeling the energy of art. I can still see the droplets of apple green paint so thick with texture and vivid with color the painting looked like it had just been finished days earlier. (A picture is not included. I couldn't find one worthy to match my memory of the experience.)

This piece truly affected me. I could almost feel Van Gough painting. I will never forget the painting or the feeling I had looking at it.

Van Gough's A Wheatfield with Cypresses at the National Gallery of Art in London (one of the 30 most expensive paintings in the world, a mere $84,000,000.00) struck me much the same way. As did Monet's Bathers at La Grenouillère.

Absorbing these works of art I reflected again on the lives of the artists. Especially Van Gough. I am moved by the masters of these pieces. Not only because they produced remarkable art worthy of gracing galleries all over the world, but because in spite of what they endured personally, these people did something with their work and with their lives that has endured.

They pushed through whatever life was for them and they left something of their lives that contributes to ours. And this is what is worthwhile to me. That we can stand and behold work that is beautiful and meaningful, whomever we are and whatever appeals to us personally, because of what they did.

So here's my happy suggestion #61: Leave something of yourself. And I'm not talking about candy wrappers on the nightstand. Some one thing that will endure. Dig out that paintbrush or drawing pencil or whatever and get to work.

You may not think your work will have any significance. But if it comes from you, it has you in it. And that is significant. And worthwhile.

Even if it's simple. Maybe especially if it's simple.


Mark Rothko's White Center (Yellow, Pink and Lavender on Rose). Painted 1950. Recently sold for $75,000,000.00. (Also one of the 30 most expensive paintings in the world.)

Just do it.

Happy #59: Don't give up.

I'm still here. And so are you.

There's something to be said for that. Clearly there must be, since I bothered to write about it... :)

Not sure I know what it is just yet, but that's Ok.

It's Ok. We're Ok.

You, me, and my about to be a missionary daughter trying to get away with wearing a lime green (as opposed to the recommended Nun-like black or brown) blazer to the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah. Lol.

We're all Ok. Especially Kelsie in the lime green blazer.

I'll post a picture later. :)

Happy #58: Take the long view and ride the wave.

It all comes and goes. Do you remember what you were doing or what you were feeling or what you were thinking three months ago today? Three weeks ago? Yeah. I didn't think so. Neither can I.

My point is, it's easy to get overwhelmed with life and events, responsibility and obligation, relationships and emotion while we're in the middle of whatever. And we forget that everything comes AND goes. But giving some thought to the scripturally based concept, "And it came to pass...", can help us keep perspective regardless of the waters we're riding and what we're experiencing in the moment.

So if it's smooth sailing today, be grateful and happy. If not, it will be again. So be grateful and happy anyway. :)

There is always something to be grateful for when you take the long view. Especially when you stop to consider that all we've really got is what we've got right now, in this moment.

Life is a ride. And it all works out.

So take the long view and ride the wave. :)

Happy #57: Do something brave.

In the 1920's, carrying what little she owned and her twin baby boys, my grandmother, twenty-five year old Mary Anne (Molly) Murphy, left an abusive husband and her home in Ireland, boarded a ship in England and sailed across the sea. Uncertain of the outcome, she had hope that whatever lay over the ocean was better than what lay behind.

I am certain that leaving her history, her family, and her beloved green hills of Ireland was difficult for Molly to do. She loved Ireland. LOVED it. I have no idea what compelled her to make the decision she did. But I know enough about her life to know circumstances were not favorable for her. And I know that Molly, my grandma, a single mother, poor, and with little more than a grade school education, was strong enough to make choices to better her life.

With hope on the horizon, she made a decision and carried out an action that changed her life. In the process she changed mine and the lives of my children.

She set the mark of bravery for me.

So here's my happy suggestion for today: Do something brave. Do something to change your life.

Because you have no idea how that bravery will impact the lives of those who follow you.

All aboard! :)

Happy #56: Make a memory.

You never know when the rain and clouds are going to move in and swipe away your springtime warmth and sun. So It's nice to have memories to draw from to put the sunshine back in your soul.

So here's my happy regardless suggestion for today, whatever the weather may be where you are: make a memory. A good one. With loved ones. Bake, talk, laugh, take ridiculous pictures. Gather your loved ones in whatever way you can (even if it's just a phone call) and seize the day. Give yourself the gift of having a fun experience to look back on.

And people, learn to laugh at yourself. Check out the picture of me above. My pants are undone (too much lunch?) and you can see my jeans poking out my shirt. Lol. Hilarious.

The beautiful thing is, every day holds the opportunity to make memories.

You are my sunshine. :)