This evening I joined my good friend Nate for the launch of his new project, I am happy. I am loved at Jam, a local gay bar in Salt Lake City, Utah.
Wearing my hair up, my white winter parka with the fur lined hood, black leather gloves, jeans (which could have worked if they weren't being worn with the wrong footwear), and my flat, grey, muff like suede and sherpa boots, I was entirely ill-dressed for the occasion. Except for my rosy cheeks, of course. It was cold outside.
I thought about what I was wearing as I drove to Nate's premier, about how ridiculous and unstylish I looked. Of all the places to be less than styling, a gay bar was not one of them. Women do, afterall, dress to impress other women and gay men. ;) But given I had just finished taking my son Keaton to see the new Narnia movie (and there wasn't time to change), I just went. I figured it was more important to Nate that I be there, than I be well dressed.
Nate's project is a nationwide campaign to create awareness for the gay community and the communities they live in about the importance of supportive relationships with heros, friends, family, and God.
It is a message we can all use, regardless of our sexual orientation.
I've had conversations with several people over the last couple of weeks about aloneness. It just kept coming up. So I've been thinking about why we make choices in our lives that create aloneness, why we create situations and/or relationships that result in our being alone and/or doing everything alone, and why we choose to be alone over being with others. Especially when nobody really wants to be alone. At least not all of the time.
For those of us who are introverts, being with people (crowds, parties, social events) wears us out. So balance is key. But that's not the choice to be alone I'm talking about here.
During reflective dialogue a friend said to me, "I know exactly why I chose to be alone. I didn't trust people would be there for me." She realized looking back on her life that when she was young she would go to her room, shut the door, and read to escape the chaos her family created. Naturally, not being able to trust her family to give her what she needed, she didn't trust anyone else would either. That belief and expectation became her world view. From there, and with this perspective, she continued to create experiences that would reinforce her beliefs. So the pattern continued to repeat.
But the beautiful thing about patterns is that with awareness and deliberate choices, they can be changed.
Bless Nate's heart for working to bring attention to relationships of support. He made a deliberate choice to use his time and talents to create awareness. I made a deliberate choice to support him, regardless of how uncomfortable I was going alone, looking like a train wreck. And trust me, I was uncomfortable. But showing Nate I love and support him mattered more to me than how I looked. And felt.
There seems to be a lot of aloneness going around out there. The natural result of the breakdown of the family and our disconnected society, no doubt.
But with one deliberate choice at a time, I think we can make our lives more of what we really want them to be. Instead of what we've created over time from a belief system (that we can't trust people, for example) that doesn't work for us.
Your life is the result of your choices. And deliberate choices make a difference.
So Happy #80 is this: Make deliberate choices to create change.
Put on your parka and your boots (the ones meant only to keep you warm, not make you look good), and get out there and show your love.
It's what matters most.
Nate, you are loved. And I am happy we are friends. Roll 'em! :)
No comments:
Post a Comment