Happy #88: Don't mind that backdraft.

Nothing changes until something changes. And when one thing changes, everything changes. It's a physical law. Brought to you by God.

So if you want change, really want change, and you are committed to seeing change happen, brace yourself.

Things have not been going my idea of well lately. "I'm not gonna lie." (One of Jackson's expressions.)

In fact, the last month or so had me feeling as though I would never, ever be able to create the change I'm after. I felt like my entire life was in upheaval. Perhaps because it was. It's interesting how prayer works, often producing results in ways we didn't anticipate when we began praying for help with a particular thing.

When you submit your will to God, you better be ready to surrender to the outcome. And to the process he takes you through, for that matter.

Several months ago I began working intently on creating change in my life. Real change. For me, this meant asking God for clarity, deciding what I wanted, taking accountability for those desires, prayerfully considering my course, then taking the steps necessary to get to the outcome I was after.

What I didn't see coming was what I'm going to define as the backdraft of change. Feel free to use this term. I think it's excellent. ;-) I'm sure there's a psychological buzz word for the concept. But I think my words are comprehensively descriptive. Therefore, better. :D

Let me explain.

In the movie Backdraft (with Kurt Russell, one of my favorites) right before a huge explosion, a reverse draft develops. A backdraft. Fire and smoke starved of oxygen, remain at a high temperature, and the combustion ceases. False sense of security, that closed door on a fire... No apparent change, right?

Wrong. In the movie, suddenly a door was opened and oxygen was introduced to the fire. In a split second the heated gases sucked up the oxygen (engaging combustion) and BOOM!! An explosion.

A big one.

"It's the dark before the dawn, Kathleen. Keep turning to the Lord. He's with you, carrying your burdens. And watch for the light to break through the clouds," Patriarch Hatch said to me when I visited with him and Harriet a few weeks ago. It was his response to the many hits I was taking on my path to what I deeply believed (after a lot of prayer) was the best course. And though it did not feel like a whole lot of burden carrying was going on, I knew he was right.

When I was in the middle of the knock downs, it was difficult to see clearly. I was honestly beginning to feel like I would never be able to change my life for the better. Finding my path through prayer, I didn't question my course. But aside from the obvious leveling, I could not understand what was happening. And I began to feel the sort of despair that hopelessness brings.

Fortunately for me, in addition to my personal pleadings with God, someone out there was praying for me. All of those prayers were answered. (Thank you. You know who you are.)

After reading my post last week, my sweet friend Anne-Sophie (born on my birthday and the same age as my daughter Kelsie), wrote of my effort not being wasted, following with, "...even if you can't see the outcome of your strength in pain or your hope in loss or your trembling in weakness....yet. It wasn't in vain."

I thought about her words and read the article she shared with me, The Best is Yet to Be. She said it helped her choose to trust herself during a difficult time and reminded her to trust God. (Thank you, Anne. I love you, sweetie.)

Today something happened in my thinking. A light turned on. I was given awareness, then understanding, then peace. In seconds.

God did that. He helped me see. He enlightened me. In answer to prayer.

I am creating change. And that is why all this crap has been happening! Because that's the nature of change, the scientific and spiritual nature of change. Nothing changes until something changes. And when one thing changes, everything changes. So of course there's going to be opposition. A backdraft. Because I'm breaking patterns here. And breaking patterns creates resistance. Which produces strength. Which change requires. (Think about the seedling trying to sprout through the soil of the earth. Did you think breaking through the dirt to find the sun was easy? No pressure?)

It's almost as if nature conspires to test commitment. As if a soul desiring change seeks to be strengthened by the process itself, refined and prepared by and through the back draft, to be more.

It's a miracle, isn't it? The whole process?

There are all sort of stories out there about the strengthening benefits of adversity. You know the ones. They typically involve trees.

I don't know about you, but I don't want to be the oak tree strengthened by buffetings. I don't care about being strong enough to be someone's wagon wheel. I don't want to be the tree standing mightily all by itself out in the wilderness, strong because it had no protection from the storms. But by golly that wood is going to be fit for a fortress and make darn fine wagon wheels! Yea. No thanks.

I want to be the beautiful, delicate tree standing in the middle of the field with precious little flowers in the beds beneath me. Surrounded by a large and mighty evergreen forest for protection. I don't care to be made strong enough through buffetings to be a sturdy this or that for whatever it is you think you need to use a strong oak tree for. You get my point.

That said, and nevertheless, what I think doesn't matter. Or change God's law and/or the way He does things with His children. Who am I to question God's ways with me anyway? Or think the way isn't good just because it doesn't feel good or look good from my limited perspective? He helps us learn in the ways that are best for us, for our growth and strengthening. Doggone buffetings...

Given that I know there must be opposition in all things, and given my new found awareness of what is going to happen when I say I want change and I mean it, I wanted to offer my recent experience with change.

When the desire is real, and the actions are intent, there is going to be a backdraft.

So, brace yourself.

Because nothing changes until something changes. And when one thing changes, everything changes.

For some odd reason, understanding that all this adversity represents that I am creating change gives me hope. And strength. And I feel strong enough in these moments to be the wagon, all the wagon wheels, and whatever else it takes to get to the change I want.

"I can do all things through Christ which strengthened me." Philippians 4:13

Having said this, I would prefer to be sitting in the wagon wearing a beautiful dress and beautiful shoes. The sparkling kind. Pink ones. Not red.

But whatever.

Be the change you want to see.

Shelter yourself in the storm. Run away if you have to. ;-)

Then press on.

And don't mind that backdraft. It's just a little hot air.

Gratitude. Regardless.





And here's my precious Anne-Sophie. She lives in Germany. And she's studying to be an architect. : )

Happy #87: Think your choices through to the outcome.

Your life is the result of your choices. Fortunately, for all of us, the past does not have to equal the future.

I've been giving a lot of thought to being "stuck" lately. I'm going through something personally that has been exceptionally hard on me. And difficult.

A month ago (well, years ago, but that's a different story...) a person's choices happened in my life. And I made some choices in response. In the weeks since the "event" I've tried to offer a truce, of sorts. I had hoped for a quiet resolution so peace could somehow be restored to our family's lives and we could all move on. But that's not what happened.

Consequently, tomorrow morning a news story hits the press and I have no idea what will happen from there. And it's unfortunate. Because it didn't need to go the way it has, and is.

But we all make choices, a direction follows, and a destination (outcome) is determined in the process.

How often are we mindful enough, aware enough, careful enough to consider the choices we're making in the process of our lives? Do we think about the outcome? Do we consider the destination our direction is deciding? Is it what we want? Because outcome happens by choice. All along the way...

A couple of weeks ago I was spending time with my dear friends, Gene and Harriet Hatch. They are older than me, and wiser. They were talking with me about life and things that have been happening lately. With all the love in her heart Harriet took my hand as we sat talking and said, "You've been working SO hard trying to make your life work, ever since you left your husband. And I know you feel like you're aging. But you're a young woman, Kathleen! And you're beautiful. And in about three days you're going to be 80. I know it doesn't seem like that now, because you're young. But about a day from now you're going to be 60. And then another day later you're going to be 70. Then the next day you'll be 80. The time is going to go by so fast. What are you doing for yourself, Kathleen? For your happiness?"

So I've been giving thought to her counsel, considering the ways I could make changes. Naturally, I've considered the power of choice to change the course of a future. And it's been striking me lately, how stuck we can sometimes be. Or at least how stuck we can feel.

My friend Peggy wrote something in her blog today that was much of what I've been thinking about being (or feeling) stuck. She wrote, "...as I have attempted to achieve some level of stability for my kids and myself, I have often felt like I was trapped inside a giant chunk of immovable stone, unable to turn my head in any direction, to hope, or even to breathe. I kept having this recurring image from my college art history class, of myself as one of those unfinished sculptures by Michelangelo, knowing there was something more under the rock that was beautiful and useful, perhaps even valuable, if I could just find a way to get it out... ...As I have given more thought to that feeling of being trapped in solid and unforgiving rock, like one of Michelangelo’s unfinished masterpieces, it has occurred to me that many of those pieces are just as famous and considered to be just as valuable as the ones that he did finish. They are in museums, too. In fact, when I went back and studied some of these statues again, they struck me as almost being more breathtaking than the polished and refined versions. They certainly stirred up more emotion in me. The passion of the struggle and the perfection of the parts that have managed to emerge, in stark contrast to the rock, represent the reality of the struggle that we all face each day."

I'm including this picture from her post because it's such a great visual representation of the concept. (Good job, Pegs.)



I don't want to look back when I'm 80 and feel like I was so busy trying to make my life work that I ended up stuck in the rock, totally missing the mark. Even if Michelangelo's unfinished pieces are maserpieces... (Although Peggy's comments did encourage me, reminding me that we are perfected in the process.)

I want to HEAR my friend Harriet (who IS 80), and make the choices to make my life worthwhile now in the ways that will matter to me then.

Peace and happiness, and the ability to contribute to other people's peace and happiness. That's what I want.

This story, about to run in the paper, doesn't give me peace. Or happiness. Largely because I didn't want people to be hurt by someone's actions. So I made the choice to hold back the truth, thinking it was the least hurtful thing. Until I realized I was being hurt in the process.

Our lives are the result of our choices. And choices give direction, resulting in a destination, an outcome.

So Happy #87 is simply stated: Think your choices through to the outcome. None of the story that's about to be released in the press had to happen.

"The truth is worth the risk," one of my favorite leading men said to his love interest in a movie I saw recently.

I hope so.

Happy #86: Happy Valentine's Day

Wanting to wish you all a Happy Valentine's Day, I was looking for an appropriate image online when I came across this photo that perfectly captures what I think most men feel about Valentine's day.


Interestingly, I have one very similar to it taken at my birthday party a couple of years ago.


Both pictures made me laugh out loud.

Hope your Valentine's day is a happy one, regardless. ; )

Happy #85: Learn from the Experience.

Fireworks, dancing, tears of joy, cheering, happiness, and a whole lot of love. One word was in their hearts that night. Freedom.

I was heartened by the Egyptian people and the pure resolve that secured their personal victory. I wondered as I watched them celebrating in the streets how they must have been feeling two or three days before the light broke through the darkness...

In his broken English one man said through his tears, "I feel like I was dead. Now I feel like I'm alive. I'm very happy now. I'm very happy to be an Egyptian now."

I've been inspired by their ability to hold on in their darkest moments when they had no idea the light was about to break.

I fully intended to get right back to the story I started a week ago. Turns out it was harder to tell than I thought it would be. It still is.

Truthfully, I'm not certain I'm ready to tell it. But I did want to take a minute to acknowledge the inspiration the Egyptians have been, and comment on something I've been learning in the process of what life is taking me through personally.

God and/or life gives us experiences. They are rarely what we expect, hard as some us of try to craft our lives in a way that we would like to see them actually go/turn out. These experiences can be surprising, sometimes wildly wonderful, periodically shocking, and now and again just flat out disheartening. Even heartbreaking.

But the thing about experiences, whatever they are, is that they contribute to the process of our learning and growth--for our good. And if we look closely, they are for the good of those around us.

This isn't always easy to see or understand. And sometimes it's not such a snap to feel good about whatever may (or may not) be happening. Especially if the experiences we're going through do not fit our perspective and/or world view of "good" experiences--like getting into a bad car accident less than an hour after you petition heaven for a miracle, for example.

But here's the first definition in the dictionary about hope:

HOPE  
noun, verb, hoped, hop·ing.
–noun
1.
the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.

I think if we can surrender to the process, to the experience, choose hope, and hold on to our resolve to change whatever it is we're trying to change about ourselves and/or our lives, perhaps we will find the learning meant to be the means by which the change comes.

The real progress is in the process, afterall.

Experiences come into our lives, regardless. It is our personal journey through the experience, and our personal accountability that defines us.

Learn from the experience. Whatever it is.

And have hope.

Because spring is almost here. : )