Happy #100: Hope for more, but be grateful for and take loving care of what you have.

By now you've all figured out I write as a way to work myself out of a place that is less than "happy". So bear with me, this post won't end up the downer it's going to start out as. ;-)

I received some exceptionally disappointing news yesterday. It was the sort of sad news that makes you want to give up trying to make your life work at all. You know the news. The prayer not answered in the way you hoped it would be. The hope you held that comes crashing down around you. The outcome so opposite to what you felt would happen, you realize it was your own hopeful thinking and not the path of right you thought it was. Worse, the spiritual impression you thought you had been given that turns out otherwise and causes you to question everything...

I write these words knowing there are a few of you out there who have experienced this.

Yesterday closed with me feeling like I didn't want to pray for anything anymore. Or pray at all. Ever. Not even to say, "NOT cool, God. NOT COOL!"

For those of you who know me, this not who I am.

Yet this most recent bit of bad news grabbed hold of my faithful roots and shook them with the intent to rip them clear of the spiritual ground they are firmly planted in. Those faithful roots that say God hears us, He loves us, and His hand is in our lives.

So when I went to bed last night (after thinking and doing the things I have recommended in this blog--which usually work), I was confused, hopeless, and mad at God.

But this morning I found myself turning to the only place I can find peace when I need it most. And there I was, praying.

Yesterday Kelsie said to me, "When you can't hope anymore, you just have to do. Sometimes trying to have hope is just too painful." More wise words from the youth in my life.

Doing requires action, work. Which may not be work exercised in hope, but will be action that produces results, nonetheless. So any action, even if you don't feel your best doing it, will move things forward.

The thought struck me that when these times happen, it's important to continue to try to be hopeful for more (of whatever it is you need and/or want), but to be grateful for and take loving care of what you have. I cannot underscore this enough. (Actually, I can't underscore it at all--there isn't an underline tag tab. But you get what I'm trying to emphasize here.)

Hope is a precious thing. It is the seed of faith. Without hope, we have nothing. And for anyone who has ever felt hopeless, you know how disabling (and sometimes paralyzing) it can be.

But I am given to appreciate the words of my 22 year old daughter, Kelsie. Because in working and serving and doing, with gratitude for whatever we can find to be grateful for, I think hope can find it's way back.

I have no answers about what happened yesterday. But when I woke up this morning and realized there was only one place to turn to feel better, I was grateful I believe in God's power to make things right in my life and help me find my way. (Even if it seems for the moment He's sequestered Himself in the heavens and is nowhere to be found.)

Yesterday I said to God, "What the HELL are YOU DOING?!?!?!?"

I meant it.

This morning, I thanked Him. For everything I should. Gratitude and commitment to God, regardless. Because I trust Him.

The sun is shining and the sounds of summer--birds chirping, lawnmowers mowing, and a small airplane buzzing in the background of a clear blue sky--are outside my window. I am grateful for life. For all of it.

Happy #101 is purely: Hope for more, but be grateful for and take loving care of what you have.

Those of you who regularly read this blog (you know who you are), thank you for your support. I feel your love.