Happy # 118: Find your hopeful, childlike, fearless self.

Where were you when you were 10? More importantly, who were you? What were you doing? What were you thinking? How did you think about your life?

My guess is, with hope in your future.

Recently, a friend who has known me since childhood said he could see the sorrow behind my positive posts on Facebook. He could see me striving to see the good, find the good, and be grateful for everything in my life regardless of what was really going on in my heart. He was right. 

He can see this because he's known me since I was six years old and he knows the adverse background I come from. He saw it. Fully... He knows what I've come through and how hard I've worked to overcome my beginnings and make something different for my life.

I've been reflecting on his words and the power being positive has to create change. 

I've also been giving thought to the words of another friend. This friend said, ten years ago, he was impressed by my ability to take life as it comes to me, gracefully. "Hard won, I'm sure," he said. 

Hard won, indeed. I hadn't thought about myself that way then, but his words made an impact and I've reflected on them several times in the last decade.

These two sentiments have captured my attention with regard to what being positive really means and how being positive works to shape a life. Because it has certainly shaped mine.

What does being positive mean, exactly?

Anyone who reads this blog or follows me on Facebook knows I am working on a Masters of Architecture. It is, by in large, the most difficult thing I've ever done. It is HARD. Every day. And it has been a challenge to find the positive stream of thinking in this difficultly.

But it is the positive stream of thinking that illuminates the opportunity that lies in difficulty. 

Giving thought to the words of my friends, I began reflecting on myself as a ten year old. 

It was 1971. Easily our twentieth-something move, we lived in another small town, and our home was a trailer. All my clothes came from thrift stores. Christmases and birthdays, I just wanted something brand new, that nobody else had ever worn. Never happened. 

One day at school I learned a girl's mother had made the top she was wearing. So, I decided to make myself something new.

I borrowed the pattern from the girl, found fabric in the trailer we lived in, followed the pictures in the pattern to cut out the fabric, sat down at my mother's old sewing machine, and following the pictures in the pattern, taught myself to sew. Ten years old. No fear.

I wasn't afraid to try. I wasn't afraid to start. I wasn't afraid of that sewing machine, and it didn't matter to me that I didn't know how. I wasn't afraid of the machine, or the process.

I had childlike belief in God and a God-given belief in myself. There is no doubt in my mind that my faith in Him emboldened me.

I think back on that little girl living in poverty--moved every three months, sexually abused, uneducated parents, crazy (and married over a dozen times) mother, and raised on welfare in a dysfunctional family--who taught herself to sew.

I've examined her thinking and her willingness to try. A ten year old with a hopeful attitude, regardless of the difficulty she lived in.

Here's what I've decided being positive really means: it means finding a way to think and live and feel that is life enhancing rather than life depleting. It is open and life expanding, rather than closed off or in the act of withdrawing.

Rooted with the seeds of hope, being positive is being open to better things happening and thinking along those lines.

It doesn't mean life doesn't have difficulty or challenge. It simply means there is a course of thought, a consciously chosen neurological pathway that is believing and hopeful. There is a presence of gratitude and personal faith that whispers whatever we hope for is possible. And there is a mental choice that says, try. No fear. Then try again, if need be.

Taking life as it comes, gracefully, grows out of a patient, grateful heart. Finding the positive in life comes from a hopeful mind and learning to look forward. It comes from establishing patterns of belief with our thinking.

And finding the opportunity that lies in the middle of difficulty happens when a positive mind and grateful heart is open to the illumination and courage that inevitably follows hope.

So Happy #118 is: Find your hopeful, childlike, fearless self.

Because he, or she, is the key to the strength you need to make your life what you want it to be.

No fear. Or feel the fear and do it anyway.

Either way, love and wishes for fearlessness to you,

Kathleen

Happy 117: Trust help will come.

A week ago today I woke in the middle of the night to chaos. There was banging around at my back door. Someone was yelling, making loud and strange noises. I came out of my bedroom to find Keaton coming up the stairs, his cell phone in his had. He held it out to me, telling me he had called 911.

I felt alarmed and confused. Keaton shared with me that someone had been trying to get in our back door. With 911 on the line, I went cautiously down the stairs.

By the time I reached the kitchen the noise at the back door had stopped. But I could still hear the person whaling loudly in my back yard. It was very dark outside and difficult to see, but I spotted movement in the back corner by the garage. Someone, dressed in dark clothing, was moving around, yelling and waving his arms everywhere.

He moved from the corner of the yard to the front of the garage where my car was parked, still yelling. I had hung up with 911 and was waiting for the police to arrive, but I didn't dare leave my kitchen window. I didn't want to lose track of the man's location in the darkness.

He was making loud and desperate noises, batting at the air like he was trying to get into a door that didn't exist. I stood there in the kitchen, frozen, my heart pounding with fear.

Suddenly it became clear to me that he was in trouble. He needed help. I watched him, stuck there at the garage, helpless, trying to find his way. Desperate. Confused. Unable to make progress.

In that moment, I saw the whole of humanity there in one young man. Lost. Stuck. Tormented. And the fear gave way as compassion filled my heart, pushing everything else out.

The police arrived a few minutes later and kindly escorted him from my yard. Two policemen took care of him and another two came to my door, asking to come inside.

The young man was drunk, not quite twenty, and barefoot. In the snow...

The policeman stayed for a long time, talking with me about preparations I should make for the future in the event I should actually need to protect myself from an intruder. And I listened.

But I couldn't help but reflect on the young man, the situation he had been in, and what I had seen.

I am grateful he landed in my back yard where he was able to get the help he needed. I'm grateful for the moments of human aloneness and desperation I observed. They were a good reminder of how stuck we all are, how dependent on each other we are, and how blessed we are by our loving Heavenly Father and Savior to have the help we need when we need it. By whatever means.

The supplication to come unto Christ has been close to my heart lately. I shared my testimony in church this morning about the grace of God, His mercy and kindness, and how blessed I feel to have my Savior, Jesus Christ, to turn to when I am stuck. Which is all the time, really. One way or another... 

Happy #117 is Trust help will come. Come unto Christ. We're all stuck in the corner of the yard or at the garage door. Or somewhere. For one reason or another.

Coming to Christ is simply seeking Him. Turning to Him, looking to Him, praying to Him. Our souls unite with heaven when we are in pain. Even if we're crying out and batting in the darkness, unaware of what our souls are pleading for.

God knows. And He will see us through.

"Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden. And I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

Happy #116: Be in the experience.

Happy Regardless may have been better named Get through it, Regardless. Get over it, Regardless. Or Take whatever comes and then move the hell on, Regardless. ;) Something that says the only way to stability is taking the highs and lows and finding your way back to center, regardless. Happily and peacefully, if at all possible. :)

I started taking Christmas down yesterday. This amounted to ornaments, etc. coming off the tree and putting the tree away. After working through numerous hot flashes and using whatever excess energy I thought I had, but didn't, I had the tree packed into its box. Feeling thoroughly and completed exhausted, I had Kelsie sit on the box so I could strap it up. Why was I so tired??

Requiring more energy than I had, I flopped on my bed like a sack of rice and spent the next few hours doing something I never do: watching movies. (I do watch movies, just not three in a row...) Keaton was watching them with me, feeling absolutely delighted I was actually watching instead of multi-tasking, so when I passed out he turned everything off.

Today, I found myself square in the middle of the thing, whatever the thing was. I was packing up ornaments, Christmas balls, sparkly this, glittery that, nutcrackers, Santas, snowmen, beautiful everything, and I felt a sadness ribbon itself through the experience that I can't remember feeling while packing up Christmases past.

I felt as tender and green inside as those Christmas balls. But the raw kind of green. Not the shiny kind. The fragile, brand new leaf, barely braving to unfold, green. The one that says, I feel so delicate inside you could snap me into pieces between two of your fingers, green. Vulnerable green. All the memories of Joyce and Christmases for and with my children when they were little welled up inside of me. So I did what I always do. I took a hot shower, let myself feel, prayed for peace, and cried. Ok, bawled. I felt so sad.

Taking the time to be in the experience of any emotion is a gift of self-respect. Those moments, the emotion that is stirred in the feeling, and the connections the brain makes during the process won't come again. Because every experience changes us and by extension how we process and connect information.

This is one of the beauties of living. Being in the experience. Whatever it is. And feeling it.

I hope for easier feelings to find me. But in the meantime, I don't feel like a bowl full of wet noodles anymore. I have the peace I prayed for. (And the peace others have prayed for in my behalf, I'm certain.) And Christmas is tucked away for one more year.

Happy #116 is: Be in the experience. Because it's all we've really got anyway, whatever life is in the moment while it's going by. Being in the experience is where the real connection lives. In the giving experience or the receiving experience and the feelings that follow. And it's the real connection we're all after.

Plus, it's a kinder and more meaningful way to live and process life. And it's a good beginning to self-respect. The root of love...

So many benefits. :)

Are you feeling me?

Happy #115: Ask different questions.

2012/13 New Year's Eve fireworks.
Downtown Salt Lake City, UT

About a month ago my friend LaDawn gave me a priceless little treasure. She discovered a book titled the Great Little Book of Afformations, by Dr. Noah St. John, and shared it with me as a gift.

It's changed the way I think.

The basic concept is that most of the questions we ask ourselves in our quiet moments are negative. The brain, naturally wired to find solutions, manifests the answers we are seeking--positive or negative. In his book, Dr. St. John suggests the positive change we often seek is sabotaged by the negative questions we ask ourselves. He offers a simple solution. Change the questions.

Understanding that outcome follows action and action follows thought, this new concept intrigued me.

So I began experimenting.

One of my negative and disempowering questions (for a good many years) was, "WHY am I still ALONE?!?!?"

It was simple to turn this one around, finding limitless ways to reframe this positively. One of my reframes was "Why am I surrounded by people who love and support me?"

New Year's Eve I decided to take my son downtown for the EVE celebration and fireworks. Personally, given what I've been through lately, I would have been content to stay in the warmth and comfort of my home and cut out pictures from magazines for my 2013 vision board. Crackling fire, cheese, crackers, grapes, bubbly, movies... That's how I would have celebrated had I been by myself. It was COLD outside!!

But I wanted my son to have the experience of fireworks on New Year's Eve. He's been with his dad for the celebration most years and they always stayed home.

So, I dressed up. Short sequin dress, hose, 3/4 length fur coat, fur hat, and cowboy boots. Not the most likely combination, but trust me. It looked good. And I was warm and I felt good. Which is all that really matters.

Downtown we went. A few minutes before midnight, I was given a tip by one of the event staff and we located ourselves  right beneath the spot where the fireworks would be going off. Best view possible. Feeling the bitter chill, I pulled my coat in tightly around myself and prepared to be amazed. :)  Right about then Keaton announces he's going to go check something out and he'll be right back. Then he leaves.

Any guesses what happens next?

Yeah. Countdown begins and the sky starts to light up like the fourth of July. Incredible. I look out into the midnight darkness beyond. The big, round moon is shining brightly in the distance and the most incredible burst of fireworks I have ever seen is cracking and blazing right before my eyes. And I'm standing there, alone.

No Keaton. Feeling suddenly self-conscious, I look around. People are gathered together, everyone in awe, lovers kissing the passionate wet kiss of a New Year's Eve, others clapping and cheering. And I'm alone.

I felt sad. :( And awkward...

Then my reframe question pops into my mind. "Why am I surrounded by people who love and support me?"

I looked again at the people all around me. This time, at their faces. They were smiling. So I smiled back. And I felt my heart lift. I may have been standing by myself, but I wasn't alone. I was surrounded by people who, in those first few minutes of a brand new year, were loving and supporting me.

Possibly just because I looked so good. ;) Lol. But whatever it takes. :)

Within seconds I saw the experience differently. Because I had asked a different question about my life. A positive question.

Happy #115 is Ask different questions. Reframe your thinking for love, faith, and hope.

Because perspective is everything.

Warmly and with the love that lets you know you're not alone,
Kathleen
xoxo

Happy #114: Decide from the truth of your heart.

January 1st of a new year is a good time to make up your mind.

In my experience, it doesn't take time to change. It just takes time to decide to change. Change can happen overnight, once we've decided. Really decided.

The book of James (King James Version of the Bible) is packed with little goodies. Packed. If it's been awhile since you've taken the time, it's well worth the read start to finish. 

Being very familiar with first chapter, I was surprised one day when a word (and the verses that followed) jumped out at me as if I'd never considered it (and them) before.

"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways." James 1: 5-8

Wavereth. 

The Merriam Webster dictionary defines waver this way:

1. to vacillate irresolutely between choices : fluctuate in opinion, allegiance, or direction.

2. to weave or sway unsteadily to and fro (reel, totter) : to hesitate as if about to give way (falter).

The idea that a wavering man (or woman) should not expect to receive any thing of the Lord shocked me. Until I stopped to think about it. Then it made perfect sense.

God delivers us to our choices. Or lack thereof...

I've learned that the clearer I am with what I want, the more focused I am. And the more focused I am, the more likely I am to direct myself in ways that help me to realize what I'm striving for. I'm also far more likely to receive support in this place as well. 

It's been remarkable to me, in watching my life unfold, to see miracles abound in support of the choices I've made once a decision (that's right and in harmony with the truth of my heart) is determined. Flat out, honest to goodness miracles. Over and over and over again... 

When I reflect on the times in my life when I have been and/or felt confused, it was because I was trying to accommodate others instead of being true to myself. The clearer I became with the truth of my heart, the clearer the necessary decision became. Not that those decisions were easy to follow through on, by any means. But self truth has a way of illuminating everything. The requisite path of action, in particular.

So Happy #114 is this: Decide from the truth of your heart. Doing comes pretty naturally after that.

Give that a spin with your New Year's resolutions this time. :D You're bound to see real change.

And Happy New Year. May all your hopes and dreams be realized. 

Once you've made up your mind... ;-)

Warmly and with love,
Kathleen